I would have to agree... and some other critical information...

Today's blog material was found by Shane at Questionable Content
Not that anyone in this blog ever speaks from experience, but how could this not be the case with two guys going at it? I'm amazed more haven't been caught in the act! And speaking of immoral behavior, how many preschoolers have you pile-drived today? Apparently, my lack of hesitation when it comes to fighting five-year-olds with punches, kicks, and other five-year-olds earned me the following score. Take the test here.


Not too bad in my opinion. What does however, scare, sicken, and depress me beyond all reason is my chances of surviving a zombie apocalypse. After having thoroughly read the Zombie Survival Guide and extensively playing Resident Evil games, I would have expected better from myself. Thankfully, there are several websites dedicated to the ever-present threat of an undead attack. One of the most well-done sites I have found is linked at the right side of the page, and offers everything from supplies to fortifications to weapons and vehicles. As for my chances of surviving the apocalypse:

Hopefully you lot will fare better upon taking the test. As for me, its back to the books in hopes of raising my score.

Peace!

Leaving... on a jet plane...

--To this blog entry, I dedicate the song "Jet Plane", performed by Eve6. Its in the playlist six songs from the bottom--

Ok, so maybe not on a plane, and certainly not outside of driving distance, but the feeling may as well be the same as one you might experience if your family decides to move you. Across the country. In between your sophomore and junior years of high school. You think its finally ok; you think the moving has stopped and that everything is under your control, but something you can't stop and don't even see coming takes those close to you and moves them away, as if spiting you for settling down in the same place for too long.

Come the new year, our numbers will shrink by two... most likely for a whole year... no more 1am taco bell runs, no more ahhnold noises, no four-hour Starcraft marathons, epic MK and DBZ battles, doubles tennis or racquetball, captain impersonations... No more sounds of baby seals being stomped, no longer can we win Apples to Apples with "Pumping Iron" or "Corvettes", no playing Halo and not having to worry about being awful at it... no shockball, cargasms, "mmmhhmmms", no one to help with push-pull doors, no one to Mazda watch with...

I guess all we can do is make the most of the time we have left...

I don't really know how to end this, I can't see straight right now anyway-

this sucks

a lot

HOLY SHIT! There is a god... and he hates LSU!

THAT'S RIGHT, HE HATES LSU!!!

Ok. So he obviously hates LSU. That's understandable, their fans are arrogant pricks and their football team is way too fucking lucky. Or were and was, until this past Friday (Nov. 23 2007). It wasn't enough for god to bitchslap them with Katrina, oh no. After going 10-1, with the only loss coming from get this, Kentucky? WTF?, LSU loses in the third OT to Arkansas! An unranked team! Mwah ha ha ha ha. God, and McFadden in this case, or to Arkansas fans they may be one in the same, were like, "LSU National Champions? Bitch Please!" Watching highlights of this game made me very happy. Something did put a slight damper on the mood, though. After watching most of the Tennessee-Kentucky game, I had to leave to eat dinner, and was later informed that Tennessee won in the fourth OT by a score of 52-50. While I respect Tennessee's grit and determination, I was really pulling for them to lose... because by beating Kentucky they earned the right to play LSU (ugh) by edging out Georgia's SEC record. That's too bad; I would loved to have seen another team beat LSU (ugh), and Georgia would have had a much better chance I think. But alas, what's done is done.

For those who relish the thoughts of LSU failing out of the National Championship: This is a wonderful article, I hope everyone enjoys it. It mentions MSU! Yay! It also sports a morbid sense of humor regarding the downfall of LSU's season, and how each game they played their margin of victory got smaller and smaller... hahaha. Also, one more piece of information: Croom and the Bulldogs are now responsible for the sacking of three coaches!

Well excuse the fuck outta me...

Ok. So action A produces a negative response. Action B produces a negative response. Actions C-Z and any other letter, number, or symbol produce negative responses. Doing NOTHING AT ALL will ALSO produce a negative response. What the fuck? I give up. Apparently I don't take notice or care enough about things. And also, excuse the fuck out of me for trying to have a nice simple conversation multiple times tonight, and I apologize for the fact that everything I had to contribute to any discussion we might have had at any time tonight was wrong or stupid. I would ask that in the future that double standards please not be thrown at me, but that would probably result in another glare or getting bitched at again. I guess I will just shut up and take my seat in the back.

Yippee for me! Hopefully tomorrow they will confirm that everything is indeed my fault. I think they make a drug for that now, maybe I can get some...

The Grand Design

Or intelligent design, as some like to call it. I prefer bible school fantasies, but that's just me. Don't get me wrong, this is a very touchy subject for some people (touchy-feely if you happen to be a catholic priest). Worse still, if you happen to come across this topic with Baptist, it goes from touchy-feely to "hold still fucker, I'm gonna beat you until you accept that god made you!" Oops. I forgot to capitalize god. Guess I'm going to hell! Its ok though. Satan-side, excuse me, state-side, tends to be fairly peaceful in terms of religious psychotics, sans Michael Venyah. For those of you in college who have been lucky enough to avoid the "Screaming Evangelist", here's a vid of him on the MSU campus last year:



Silly little bible thumper. I was lucky enough to be called a fornicator! Oh if he only knew... and the sticking from behind? What's wrong with that? I mean uh, oops, was thinking out loud. Hehehe. But alas, when taking this man and other things such as Miss Teen USA Pageants (what's a map?), NFL players, lemmings, and PT Cruisers, one fact becomes painfully obvious:

Silly Minnesota.

They think that they are the center of American hockey, that since they have the best college hockey teams, they can brag and pretend to be a real NHL team. For any Wild fans out there, I have two words for you: Paul Statsny. This kid, along with some help from Sakic and Wolski, helped the Avs topple the Wild 4-2 Sunday night, adding two points the the Avs's divisionary lead over the Wild.

Aside from that, I'm not quite sure what to say here. I would like to inquire about some help, but I'm not sure whom to ask or what to ask for. I'm not even sure why I need help; something is just telling me that I probably need some. All too often I find myself tearing things and people apart for some sick self-gratification of my own. Its almost like I have a little "me" in the back of my mind that waits till the guard of a friend is down, and then attacks relentlessly for the sake of what it thinks is a humorous situation. I want to stop hurting the people I care about. I get jealous of them,but only whe I see myself hurting them, so it then becomes a viscious cycle. So to those of you that I openly attack, you are not alone. I also hope that I can figure out how to stop it and quick, before I lose more than just great friends.

To end on a lighter note;

Sitting on the bed and I'm lying wide awake

And even though its 3 am I'm still wired and I don't know why. It could be that the Avs are 1st in their division, 2nd in their conference, and 4th league... or perhaps it is the fact that the MSU Bulldogs beat the Alabama Crimson Tide 17-12 today, making the Dawgs eligible for a bowl game for the first time in over five years!



Davis Wade Stadium was deafening. Boneshaking echoes of Maroon and White wash over the arena as the sound of 55,000 loyal cowbells blasts through the air. Even more intimidating is the sheer power of all those sounds channeled and focused as one, and then directed to fall on the ears of the unsuspecting Alabama players. Needless to say, the atmosphere was electric.



So after my two teams have been doing so well, I'm happy. Maybe not deeply happy, but simply happy for things that make me happy doing well. Other than that I'm kinda drained mentally and running on autopilot. Hence the title and the song that its from. But oh well, the semester is almost over and hopefully I will be able to come through relatively unscathed.

Choked on the regrets

What goes up, must come down. Obviously. Hopefully this weekend we can all just ease back into life again. And each make it through the weekend in one piece preferably.

Coming Spring of 2008 to a Six Flags near you: The Bipolar Plunge. A friend of mine rode this pretty damn hard Wednesday night. After suffering from a case of impulsitis complicated by a lot of drama recently, we decided what the hell, lets make a run for it right in the middle of it all and party all night. So we disappear, ignore the phones, and have some fun. And in the process, damn near lose a very close friend, and in turn one of us almost went AWOL as well.

Today wasn't much better, about as awkward as you can get. Feinting spells aside, nothing major, just a lot of sulking and some intense anxiety for me when we all met up for the first time today. (lets just say I am very good at creating mental images.)

But they claim that time heals all wounds, and I hope that this holds true for us. For the first friend, I hope you feel better and make the trip home safely. It may take a while, but we will be able to get though this. For the second friend, I won't expect forgiveness for quite some time. We are just relieved and grateful you are still here and that you still care. Thanks for being one of three people always there for me. I hope one day I will be able to make that night up to you.

And to end on a positive note, the Avs defeated the Pens with a 3-2 come from behind victory Thursday night, extending their home winning streak to 6 games. Yay.

I Wanna Feel...

I'm tired of being what you want me to be
Feeling so faithless lost under the surface
Don't know what you're expecting of me
Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)
Every step that I take is another mistake to you
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)

I've become so numb I can't feel you there
Become so tired so much more aware
I'm becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

Can't you see that you're smothering me
Holding too tightly afraid to lose control
Cause everything that you thought I would be
Has fallen apart right in front of you
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)
Every step that I take is another mistake to you
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)
And every second I waste is more than I can take

I've become so numb I can't feel you there
Become so tired so much more aware
I'm becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

And I know
I may end up failing too
But I know
You were just like me with someone disappointed in you

I've become so numb I can't feel you there
Become so tired so much more aware
I'm becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

I've become so numb I can't feel you there
I'm tired of being what you want me to be
I've become so numb I can't feel you there
I'm tired of being what you want me to be

---

So the ropes are more or less gone, and now I have an absence of emotion. I want to tell others that I feel for them, to open up, to laugh because it is funny, not because everyone else is. To be able to look forward with a positive mind, to not be forced into assuming the worst and bracing for pain and depression day after day. Maybe someday I can feel again, I hope.

Stuck In the Middle Again

I need three volunteers. Would the first person please take this rope tied around my left arm? Now then, will the second person grab the rope tied around my other arm? Cool, now if the last person would take the rope tied round my waist... now then, if each of you would pull as hard as you possibly can...

And that's where I am. I feel like... well, I don't know, but its sure as hell not a million bucks. As soon as I fix one thing, another gets shot to hell. Sometimes I wish that when I save the world, it could just stay saved for 10 minutes. Not that I'm complaining mind you, since I would much rather spend another day helping those close to me than to have to pretend not to notice or to find out later. If only things in life lined up in neat orderly groups to be dealt with as we see fit. But alas, we all fall prey to the only catchphrase that ever holds true: shit happens. Its how we react to said shit that determines everything else.

Until recently, I thought I had all my "shit" under control. But when I get two sides of the same situation unbeknownst to those it involves, I get thrown into the ever enviable position of "between a rock and a hard place". For example, I can let it be known that I know someones deep personal secret, or turn and lie to the other about what I know or what someone else may know... so like I said, I'm handing out ropes, so feel free to come and tug your own piece of me before I explode...

As for everything else, I will still be me, and never fail to help a friend (or a retard; its funny how often those two overlap). Hopefully for me no one is exceptionally good at tug o' war, lest I be pulled away and killed or eaten or who knows what. My friend Chris always talks about how talking is the key; how it will fix conflicts and save fights and heartache. He's right.

I'm a communications major. I'm great with words and understanding them and helping others with them. I will gladly help, you need only to talk! Grab the rope and tug if you want, but know that I lose myself more and more upon each heave.

But to end on a good note, the Avs fought their way back from a 4-goal deficit to beat Calgary at home Tuesday night. How fucking awesome is that.

All you can ever learn is what you already know

Life goes on, come of age... can't hold on, turn the page... time rolls on, wipe these eyes... yesterday laughs, tomorrow cries...

As always, life will go on. This song seems quite relevant to personal struggles as of late. With everyone on edge, it will only be so long before someone make a mistake, treads on one's spirit, or makes the mistake of caring too much- or not at all.

Looking back, it seems that just things were so simple... and while I wouldn't trade anything for the where I am in life now, sometimes you wonder how choosing between Halo and Smash Bros. has mutated into getting out of bed and deciding which fake smile and laugh to wear today. A good quote comes to mind: "You wear a mask for so long, and you start to forget who you really are..." It seems unnervingly fitting in the current scheme of things. While others busy themselves among seemingly mundane activities, we remain focused and chained to winning the fight against a never ending tide of pain and sorrow... for no matter what we do or say life has and will always be that rainy cloud and that overdrawn bank account, the annoying injury and the regretful choice, the societal outcast and that demon from your past that ties you down and haunts you and still makes it hard just to look in a mirror. To just for a day live a life through someone else's eyes, to have made the left turn instead of the right, to just one day be happy to get up in the morning and be anxious to start the new day. For us these luxuries are few and far between, but we have fought through to now and shall move along just to make it through.

Though it may pain some to hear this, it holds true for we three. "Take my hand, and we'll make it I swear, whoa, living on a prayer"... because for the time being, that's all we have, a prayer.. whether anyone hears, much less answers it, is inconsequential. What matters is that it gives everyone trapped living in repetition that ever important piece of mind. To know that there is something to see and hold, to work for and to grow, to hold on to, to get you through the night, is what really matters. Because to have hope, and people to hope with, is what really matters. And looking at it, I am grateful for this fucked up yet oddly interesting state, because in a very strange way, I am thankful for what I have gained out of it because I know its all that I've wanted.



P.S.
I would like to thank The Ataris, The Offspring, All American Rejects, Bon Jovi, Boston, and Green Day for contributing to this post.

Ehsskahpay!

First and foremost, Fuck Nashville. That's all I have to say on that note.

On to the main event. I was again chased down in the parking lot, but this time was saved by a so called kiniggit in shining armor who broke into my car and then proceeded to drive it away whilst I was seeking refuge in my own back seat. Long story short, we starting looking for a replacement sould (or soul, as they are known in more intelligent circles) for said kiniggit. After complaining about life and being shorted two mountain dews, we proceeded to cheer up huffing some lesbian gas. I lost, again, all but the first battle (what a surprise).

As we all know, the choices we make in life shape the rest of our time here on earth. Some are easy, such as Mazdas over pretty much anything else, while some are hardest we will ever make. Even harder are those that affect the one we hold close over all else, as these result in an intense conflict between our friends and ourselves. Thankfully, the oft mentioned trio will never face such decisions alone, for united we stand, and divided we fall.

Hat Tricks and Monty Pythons

Its always great to start off the season with a win, and the Avs did it at home Wednesday with a 4-3 victory over the Dallas Stars! Paul Stastny recorded his first career hat trick in his first game of his second season in the NHL, becoming only the fourth player in Avalanche history to do so. Wojtek Wolski added the fourth and final goal, sealing the victory. But I wont bore you with hockey anymore...

So apparently naming a ball python Monty automatically makes it that much cooler. I agree, but find it sad when people miss the play on the brits. So, me and buddy are out 80 bucks each, but if a snake can make someone on the brink of giving up learn to laugh and smile again, 80 bucks is nothing at all. Besides, that's how it works between us. A hug, a snake, a poke in the forehead, an occasional three-way, it doesn't matter. Whatever it takes to help the one in need, and it never ends up being any work at all.

6 down, Eighty-Two to go.

4 and 2 to start the preseason? Not bad at all in my opinion. Tomorrow, or today in roughly 23 minutes, the Colorado Avalanche will kick off the 07-08 NHL season at home against the Dallas Stars. Poor Dallas. Three seasons ago, they were supposed to lose to the Avs. And did, in 5 games. Two seasons ago, Dallas was the number 2 seed, and the Avs limped into the playoffs at the number 7 seed in the western conference. And then proceeded to stomp the Stars in 5 games, AGAIN! Hehehe. With the new rookies this year, and also returning vets like Sakic and Hejduk, this year might shape up to be pretty good. Anyway, that's all for now, I will be back tomorrow with a recap of the game. For those interested, go here and click "Listen Now!" under the Avs emblem! GO AVS!

For what I've done

Its really strange how someone you never knew growing up or through high school can become your closest friend and ally in life. I guess its even more uncommon when someone can claim this about two people. When three people come together and are there for each other at all hours of the day and night and will selflessly sacrifice to help one another, a bond is made that I am willing to bet is shared by only a small number of people in this world. To be a part of this bond is something that every person needs at one point in their life, but few are ever lucky enough to actually get it.

Everything I've done, from hurting to loving to helping the people around me, each thing has shaped me and made me who I am today. While I am not always proud of that person, or what they do or have done, I am very thankful for the friendships they have made and to whom they have confided in and given support to, as I am equally thankful for their support and friendship as well.

Falling farther than I ever have before...

Way to go me. For probably oh, I dunno, the 7th or 8th time in about a month, I've deeply hurt one of people closest to me. I care for them very much, and despite my best intentions I get bogged down in the here and now and let them fall behind time after time. I don't want to lose them but if I keep this up that's exactly where I'm headed. I hate hurting them, but at the same time I don't even notice or catch myself doing it until it is much too late. While it may seem like a lame excuse, I feel like I forget things way too easily and never remember what needs to be done or what needs to change until it is again too late.

I don't want to keep doing this. If anyone has any ideas or would like to help in any way please do. I need help.

War Damn Tiger?

I kinda feel like I just beat up on a retarded kid... after all, these people can't decide if they want to be tigers or eagles... and on top of that, rather than normal team cheers, the Auburn fans have a tendency to scream and grunt using guttural sounds. For example, once such cheer is called Bodda Getta. To this I say, WTF?! Weagl weagl war damn Eagle... thats like trying to find something that rhymes with orange- it doesn't really work! Then again, I can't say that I have ever seen an orange eagle, so hey, whatever works. But that is all completely beside the point. And that point is,

AUBURN LOST TO MISSISSIPPI STATE!!! 19-14!

Oh poor Auburn. After all that hard work and painfully planned interceptions, to go and lose to MSU... I personally feel that honorable suicide is the only remedy for this situation. And not only that, but after two consecutive losses to football teams that don't even come from *real* schools (cough USF cough), I might even be so bold as to say that if they don't remember what the hell to do when they have the ball, they may end up *Gasp!* losing to Bama. At which point I don't even need to say what will happen to Tommy Tuberville (what kind of a stupid name is that...) Shula, anyone?

I'm a loner in a catastrophic mind...

Yeah... that pretty much sums me up right now. Props to anyone who knows what song that line's from. Anyway, enough sobbing. On to tonight's topic.

So I'm in Auburn right now. MSU plays Auburn tomorrow and I'm not quite sure what my take on the situation is. I don't want to be optimistic, but despite our win and Auburn's loss last week, we are playing the team that blocked our field goal attempt last season... so, like I said, I don't want to be optimistic. Who knows, maybe we'll score, maybe we'll win, maybe we'll take it up the ass again. Whatever works.

Anyway, I'm not up to talking anymore tonight.

45-0... Damn...

From today's title and the last blog entry, an astute mind should be able to figure out what the outcome of the MSU-LSU game was. For those of you who are, in the words of Dr. Hill, "hardcore stupid", LSU beat us 45-0... The Tigers are the No. 2 team in the nation, but still- is a field goal too much to ask? This season is easily shaping up to be an exact replica of last season. For those just tuning in, the Bulldogs didn't draw blood until their third game of of that season. Our only hope is to repeat our flogging of Bama and shaming their brand-new multi-million dollar coach by slapping him with a loss to the worst team in college football. And how fun that would be? I'm still waiting for the "We got Shula Fired" shirts.

Now to get some sleep for classes tomorrow.

Night!

LAN Parties and world maps

Hokay, so...

Shane and Bobby (two college buddies), along with myself, were having a little Starcraft LAN event in one of the study rooms in the dorm. Needless to say, I came close AGAIN to almost killing Shane... at least Bobby wasn't a threat very often.

In other news, everyone should watch this video: its exactly what not to do when asked a simple question. Please send any and all donations in the form of world maps to this poor girl, as she is obviously the victim here in a sick attack on our nation's geographic knowledge. And we wonder why the rest of the world thinks we're idiots... In the words of Robin Williams, "Ah ha! A clue!"

And finally, I shall be holding a memorial service for the MSU Bulldogs football team Thursday, August 30th after the LSU game... ESPN will be here, but most likely to cover the first game of the cough*No.2 in the nation*cough LSU Tigers... but it should be fun regardless, so long as you are into Gladiator-style executions.

Anyway, I'm out.

Peace!

So it's been a while...

Yeah... its been about a month and half since my last post. I'm now settling in to my sophomore year at Mississippi State University, and should soon be switching my major to communications with a concentration in Journalism, so, yay for me!

And now for a spiel on current events. Those of you for the protection of the environment should be interested to know that Al Gore, the man who won the 2000 election, is no longer the only politician who cares for the environment. John Kerry, along with some flunkies, have written a book detailing how they now have a new found respect for the environment and what they plan to do about it.
The answer? Absolutely nothing! They just wanted it to be known that they now have a new found respect for the environment and that they are not heartless bastards who want to industrialize the world.

Anyway, I'm off to work on my website. You should visit it here. Leave me some feedback here or there.

Later!

Writer's Block

Not really writer's block.... more of a designers/programmers block... but anyway. I've also generated several headaches trying to figure out the best way to get a blog to my GPC page.. so hopefully this will be a good start!