Two steps forward, three steps back.

So I went on my trip to Tennessee with my roomie Nick this weekend. Had a blast; exploring sinkholes, caving, chasing chickens, and dodging electric fences. On the way back we even stopped by the Jack Daniel's Distillery and picked up a special edition bottle of Jack. Everything was great, until I got home and it dawned on me that I was once again back in my own bittersweet hellhole of a life.

Anyone a fan of Theory of a Deadman? Well if not, they have this song called I hate my life. One line that sums up things particularly well states "I hate my job, all of my rich friends, I hate everyone to the bitter end". My job is a dead end waste of time, overseen by a tyrannical sex addict who fires or denies advancement to anyone not beautiful, female, and under the age of 20. Is it partially my fault I am in this predicament? Yes, but I'm trying to do something with my thus-far useless life, damnit, and I guess its too much to ask to at least have people around you willing to nudge you in the right direction. And to clarify, I don't hate everyone. I hate what I'm not. I hate what I view as being wrong with me, and I personify this in admirable qualities I see in others. So many people I meet call me cruel, heartless, and a real asshole. I don't blame them. Don't think for a minute I enjoy being this way. I've tried several times to change, and still want to, but I've learned time and again that being nice gets you nowhere in this fucked up world of ours.

Nice guys finish last, and in most cases, taken advantage of and left behind as failures. Is that true for everyone? No, but it's all anyone has ever shown me.

I've got a really bad disease, it's got me begging on my hands and knees. Take me to the emergency 'Cause something seems to be missing... Somebody take the pain away,  it's like an ulcer bleeding in my brain, send me to the pharmacy, So I can lose my memory... I'm elated -- Medicated -- Lord knows I tried to find a way to run away. - GD