Psychoanalysis(o)

If I hear another 12 days of KIAmass song I’m gonna stab someone.

2009-12-17T02:33:00.001-06:00

So University Kia, as anyone who lives in the Tennessee Valley will tell you, has the most horrendously annoying commercials ever to disgrace the airwaves around Huntsville. Now, they have gone a step further and invented a song that goes note by note to the tune of the Twelve Days of Christmas, except for every day they instead sing about some type of person they’ve approved to buy a shitty ass Kia. They’ve approved some foreclosures, some bankruptcies, yada yada. So there you have it, my rant for today’s post.

Overall, it’s been a great year. New job is awesome, friends and family are doing well, and next looks to stay right on track. Totally loving the new computer as well, so hopefully that will give me more incentive to keep the blog up to date! Got all my Christmas shopping done today, and I think I even managed to grab a cold while I was at it : / so we’ll see how that turns out. My Avs are doing pretty well, although they still like to fail and get routed every now and then. Hanyways, I’m off to bed to try to kick this cold.

Gnight all!

Two steps forward, three steps back.

2009-05-20T01:22:00.002-05:00

So I went on my trip to Tennessee with my roomie Nick this weekend. Had a blast; exploring sinkholes, caving, chasing chickens, and dodging electric fences. On the way back we even stopped by the Jack Daniel's Distillery and picked up a special edition bottle of Jack. Everything was great, until I got home and it dawned on me that I was once again back in my own bittersweet hellhole of a life.

Anyone a fan of Theory of a Deadman? Well if not, they have this song called I hate my life. One line that sums up things particularly well states "I hate my job, all of my rich friends, I hate everyone to the bitter end". My job is a dead end waste of time, overseen by a tyrannical sex addict who fires or denies advancement to anyone not beautiful, female, and under the age of 20. Is it partially my fault I am in this predicament? Yes, but I'm trying to do something with my thus-far useless life, damnit, and I guess its too much to ask to at least have people around you willing to nudge you in the right direction. And to clarify, I don't hate everyone. I hate what I'm not. I hate what I view as being wrong with me, and I personify this in admirable qualities I see in others. So many people I meet call me cruel, heartless, and a real asshole. I don't blame them. Don't think for a minute I enjoy being this way. I've tried several times to change, and still want to, but I've learned time and again that being nice gets you nowhere in this fucked up world of ours.

Nice guys finish last, and in most cases, taken advantage of and left behind as failures. Is that true for everyone? No, but it's all anyone has ever shown me.

I've got a really bad disease, it's got me begging on my hands and knees. Take me to the emergency 'Cause something seems to be missing... Somebody take the pain away, it's like an ulcer bleeding in my brain, send me to the pharmacy, So I can lose my memory... I'm elated -- Medicated -- Lord knows I tried to find a way to run away. - GD

Sometimes I give myself the creeps...

2009-02-28T00:19:00.003-06:00

It's no surprise to me, I am my own worst enemy, 'cause every now and then I kick the living shit outta me...

At the end of round two, the score is Kyle 2, Kyle 0. Hooray for the first day off my meds. Already I've been beside myself at least three times, so it just ought to become more of a hoot as time goes on. I'm so excited!

They asked for his medal back, and he couldn't find it!

2009-01-29T21:50:00.005-06:00

To quote Robin Williams, it was around his fucking neck!

Poor Michael Phelps. How the mighty have fallen. On top of being banned from competing by USA Swimming for three months, and losing his contract with Kellogg, Phelps is also facing possible criminal charges. Will he be convicted? Doubtful, but the cops feel compelled to ensure that everyone knows not even mega-star athletes can get away with being a pothead. Can you honestly say that you were very surprised to see the photo though? I mean, look at him:

Does he not look a like a pothead already?

In other news, there are two movies currently in theatres that more than merit the eight or nine bucks it costs to go see them. "Underworld: Rise of the Lycans" and "Taken". Regarding the former, the Underworld franchise is in my opinion the only recent franchise that has gotten progressively better with each installment, vs. the typical Hollywood norm of sticking with the moneymaking formula and sacrificing quality. Despite being a prequel, "Rise of the Lycans" reprises the roles of several veteran actors of the series, as well as introducing new characters and enhancing the storyline all while keeping the viewer engaged and entertained, despite that fact that anyone who has seen the original "Underworld" will know exactly where the movie is going.

"Taken", starring Liam Neeson, has nearly all the ingredients of a perfect action film, with none of the cheesiness. Great stunt work, an original, mostly plausible story, and a solid leading actor all combine for a great action flick atypical from whats been offered lately. Another big plus- a lack of excessive explicit language. Not that it bothers me, but in some cases, such as "Wanted", or "Boondock Saints", its rather distasteful to go out of your way just to throw 'fuck' around five or six times every sentence.

Drums and paint

2009-01-28T03:36:00.004-06:00

In my last posting I mentioned my trip to Las Vegas, and decided to elaborate a bit on it. My family and I stayed at The Mirage, famous for its erupting volcano and Siegfried and Roy's white tigers. Friday night, my mom and brother went to see the Cirque du Soleil show "Love", which brought to life some of The Beatle's most famous songs. Now since I myself am not a Beatles fan, I did not attend, and as my dad wasn't about to let me roam the strip by myself, we went to the Venetian to see Blue Man Group.

They did not disappoint. From their trademark drumming involving splashes of neon paint and unorthodox yet thrilling use of various pipes and tubes, combined with cutting lighting and other visual effects, this show easily surpassed my greatest expectations and all the reviews I'd experienced going in. If you ever find yourself with an opportunity to experience Blue Man Group, don't pass it up. Here's clips of them in Vegas performing "Drumbone" and The Who's "Baba O'Riley".

Looking back on the weekend... and the last 21 years.

2009-01-27T03:20:00.000-06:00

For those of you who don't know, I travelled to Las Vegas to celebrate my 21st birthday this past weekend. I had a blast. I'll probably put some pictures of the trip up on here in a few days. On the flight back, I spent a great deal of time reflecting on my life thus far. Friends I've gained and lost, decisions regretted (both made and unmade), and every direction my life has taken, whether I've wanted it to or not.

One of the first things that came to mind is how fortunate I've been. Due to no faults but my own, I've landed myself in a somewhat day-to-day sort of existence, and have squandered a great many opportunities that have come my way. I have my good days, and my bad days. Days where I enjoy life and love those around me, and days where gaze longingly at at ceiling or of photos from the past and wonder where my life has gone. While I contemplated the last 21 years, several memories of pivotal times in my life came to mind. The first friends I came out to, Alex and Jessica. Moving from Colorado and leaving my girlfriend at the time, Amy. Cory, my first boyfriend, and the good and bad times we shared. The deaths of my paternal grandfather, and my mothers twin siblings all within two months of each other. My longest relationship to date, with Chris, and how lying and hiding from the truth can destroy some one's life. Coming out to my family with mixed, but ultimately positive and accepting reactions. Realizing I have problems, but never strong enough and too blinded by pride to seek help, even as they cost me educational and personal opportunities. I think of the countless times I've lied to my friends and family, as if afraid that I must constantly strive for there approval and to impress them.

I'm often surprised at myself for coming this far. It seems that every triumph is followed by an eclipsing and overshadowing defeat, usually caused in some part by me. But what keeps my going is not that I enjoy my life (and I do most of the time, don't get me wrong), but my closest friends and family. Those who have been with me through it all. My loving family; for a better one I could not ask, and my friends. From those who have stayed with me after my move from Colorado, those who cared enough to worry when I would disappear for days at a time, to those who make such an impact on my life either from the moment I meet them or at just the right time when I needed it the most. And finally, and most recently, there are those who either enter or are brought in to your life for just a day or two at a time, and in their short appearance can cause you to question everything in your life up to that point and where and with whom it may go in the future. These people inevitably beg the question, what if? Should I change or risk what I have for the possibility of something different or much better?

It is all these things combined that have shaped me into who am today. While I can never be proud of it all, it is nonetheless this collection of characters and events that will continue my life life on its present course, and also determine where and with whom it will take me.

Thanks to B/a, C-C/a, C/o, P/c, A/c, B-B-B/c, S/m-a, K/m, S/a, S/c, J/m, N/a, A-A/a, J/a, T/o, L/h, V/a, W/a K/a, and most recently, J/n.

-For those confused by the above series of letters, it is simply a way for me to acknowledge those who have made the biggest impacts in my life without naming them outright. If you figure it out and find yourself among it, congratulations and thank you for being a part of my life.

Ew. Continued.

2008-09-03T21:15:00.002-05:00

Ok, see if you can guess who I am. "Mmm....grmb..... unghh....Terrorism.....pfft...blgh....Sept. 11.....snkkkt.....ongfb......Bin Laden.....

Oh, and since when Rudy start talking like Bugs Bunny? Promithse, Againsth, Jerusthelum, Terrorithss, McCain sthaid, Obamasths, foreign polisthy advithsors, stholutions for Russthia, Stharah Palin... quit it with the fake New York accent. Learn how to talk and how to research your facts.

Ew.

2008-09-03T20:33:00.002-05:00

So I'm watching the Republican National Convention... and trying to stomach back projectile vomiting every couple of minutes. I only caught the last few paragraphs of Romney's speech, but that was more than enough to learn that it was simply a bash-the-liberals rant, more so than pumping up support for McCain and Palin.

After Romney, up came Huckabee. Oh, Huckabee. This guy comes up sputtering up about how his hometown heroes were jesus, Elvis, and FDR, oh but wait, not necessarily in that order. Next up was a stab at the liberals, whining about how they are open to the idea of widening the definition of marriage, and then informing everyone that the Republican party believes fetuses are capable of voting McCain and thus should not be terminated once conceived. Fuckabee, you might want to check your facts next time you get verbal diarrhea at the podium. You falsely claimed A) Abraham Lincoln founded the Republican Party, and B), that Palin received more votes when running for governor in AK than Biden received during his presidential campaign. Learn some basic math buddy. Biden won Florida and California, and the combined votes of those two states easily doubles the number of votes received during all of her campaigns for governor. How's that for inexperienced? Oh, and she also hunts moose. Thanks Huck, I would have hated to forget that when I head to my polling district.

Oh boy, here comes Rudy. I'll be back with my thoughts on Palin's speech. What? Rudy has us chanting USA? Damn, I must be following the wrong election.

Damn you Detroit...

2008-04-29T03:16:00.002-05:00

Detroit just needs to be nuked into fucking oblivion. I hate Detroit; I loathe everything about it. Their stupid ass hockey team that is always so fucking good and yet never wins the Cup, it just always picks on my team. Why? No one knows. Just let it be known that Detroit needs to die in a fire of agony and despair.

In other news, did anyone catch the new House M.D. tonight (or Monday night, for those keeping track)? I enjoyed it; it seems the show is returning to the calibre it possessed during the first two seasons.

In honor of the upcoming Orlando trip, here's a good POV of the Incredible Hulk Coaster. Enjoy!

I love it. Especially when you get to hear first-timers cough*JohnandShane*cough screaming like little girls.

We eat ham and jam and Spamalot!

2008-04-02T03:32:00.001-05:00

Yeah so as of 7pm tonight, I will be in Birmingham to see Monty Python's Spamalot! I'm totally excited. Since it debuted a few years ago, I've been looking for an opportunity to go see it, and when I found out that my dad had tickets to see it on my brother's birthday, I subsequently had to chance pants. Not really, but you get the point. Ao that will be fun.

Let's say you go into Red Robin and order the Crispy Fish sandwich. Would you, upon receiving said sanwich, then send it back on the grounds that you were expecting grilled fish? Of course you would, seeing as how the title is so misleading, with it's hand-battered, fried to perfection description. Then again, some people just aren't fit to function in society.

My buddy Nick sent me this link the other day. Being a big Sesame Street kid growing up, this video brought back fond memories during its opening seconds. However, once the cencorship of the alleged "fuck" work began, I went to laugh hard enough to damn near piss myself, particularly during the lines "I **** the candles on the wall", "**** until I drop", and "when I'm alone, I **** myself". Anyway, enjoy for yourself:

That's all for today!

Fishies!!!

2008-03-10T02:12:00.002-05:00

I'm a Pah-rahnah. I live in tha Ama-zahn. (chomps teeth). So I'm headed to the world's largest aquarium tomorrow. I'm super excited. Yeah yeah, I'm one of those dorks that gets off on zoos and aquariums and museums... whatever. Hopefully I wont get shot on the way there or walking around... it is Atlanta ya know, which ranks up there with B*ham in terms of where to get knocked up while catching an STD and buying cocaine, all while getting shot and mugged at the same time.

Hokay, so maybe I exaggerated just a tad... I'm sure we'll be fine, and you can expect tons of pics of Pah-rahnahs (chomp)... fishie? FISHIE! FISHIE FISHIE FISHIE! (Lots of shaking).

And Hawaii. Alaska can come too.

THE AIND!

On returning to the blog...

2008-03-05T02:39:00.002-06:00

After the long hiatus, I deemed it fit to return with a good, old-fashioned stereotype for you all to enjoy. Those of you living in the west or in certain northern areas may fail to find humor in this, but for the most part, I feel as though everyone will be laughing in one of those "funny because its true" sort of ways.

On a different note, has anyone been following the election results? Hillary winning OH and TX? WTF?! Someone tell me that isn't a terrifying thought. She's like, um, I don't even know... something vastly unpleasant I suppose. Ever been someone lost in a three-way conversation where the contributions from the other two continually went over your head? Now, substitute Jon Stewart and the viewers for the two more intellectual of the three, and who is left to fill the role of the dazed and confused? Hillary. For someone so desperate for publicity and support, you would think she might try and get an interview with someone a little less likely to, oh I dunno, make her look even more like hopeless idiot than she already does. I counted at least five different instances in which he played her right into trashing herself without even knowing it.... but oh well, her loss.

More to come in the next few days, as well as posts more regularly.

I would have to agree... and some other critical information...

2007-12-20T00:19:00.000-06:00

Today's blog material was found by Shane at Questionable Content
Not that anyone in this blog ever speaks from experience, but how could this not be the case with two guys going at it? I'm amazed more haven't been caught in the act! And speaking of immoral behavior, how many preschoolers have you pile-drived today? Apparently, my lack of hesitation when it comes to fighting five-year-olds with punches, kicks, and other five-year-olds earned me the following score. Take the test here.

Not too bad in my opinion. What does however, scare, sicken, and depress me beyond all reason is my chances of surviving a zombie apocalypse. After having thoroughly read the Zombie Survival Guide and extensively playing Resident Evil games, I would have expected better from myself. Thankfully, there are several websites dedicated to the ever-present threat of an undead attack. One of the most well-done sites I have found is linked at the right side of the page, and offers everything from supplies to fortifications to weapons and vehicles. As for my chances of surviving the apocalypse:

Hopefully you lot will fare better upon taking the test. As for me, its back to the books in hopes of raising my score.

Peace!

Leaving... on a jet plane...

2007-12-02T04:40:00.000-06:00

--To this blog entry, I dedicate the song "Jet Plane", performed by Eve6. Its in the playlist six songs from the bottom--

Ok, so maybe not on a plane, and certainly not outside of driving distance, but the feeling may as well be the same as one you might experience if your family decides to move you. Across the country. In between your sophomore and junior years of high school. You think its finally ok; you think the moving has stopped and that everything is under your control, but something you can't stop and don't even see coming takes those close to you and moves them away, as if spiting you for settling down in the same place for too long.

Come the new year, our numbers will shrink by two... most likely for a whole year... no more 1am taco bell runs, no more ahhnold noises, no four-hour Starcraft marathons, epic MK and DBZ battles, doubles tennis or racquetball, captain impersonations... No more sounds of baby seals being stomped, no longer can we win Apples to Apples with "Pumping Iron" or "Corvettes", no playing Halo and not having to worry about being awful at it... no shockball, cargasms, "mmmhhmmms", no one to help with push-pull doors, no one to Mazda watch with...

I guess all we can do is make the most of the time we have left...

I don't really know how to end this, I can't see straight right now anyway-

this sucks

a lot

HOLY SHIT! There is a god... and he hates LSU!

2007-11-25T05:14:00.000-06:00

THAT'S RIGHT, HE HATES LSU!!!

Ok. So he obviously hates LSU. That's understandable, their fans are arrogant pricks and their football team is way too fucking lucky. Or were and was, until this past Friday (Nov. 23 2007). It wasn't enough for god to bitchslap them with Katrina, oh no. After going 10-1, with the only loss coming from get this, Kentucky? WTF?, LSU loses in the third OT to Arkansas! An unranked team! Mwah ha ha ha ha. God, and McFadden in this case, or to Arkansas fans they may be one in the same, were like, "LSU National Champions? Bitch Please!" Watching highlights of this game made me very happy. Something did put a slight damper on the mood, though. After watching most of the Tennessee-Kentucky game, I had to leave to eat dinner, and was later informed that Tennessee won in the fourth OT by a score of 52-50. While I respect Tennessee's grit and determination, I was really pulling for them to lose... because by beating Kentucky they earned the right to play LSU (ugh) by edging out Georgia's SEC record. That's too bad; I would loved to have seen another team beat LSU (ugh), and Georgia would have had a much better chance I think. But alas, what's done is done.

For those who relish the thoughts of LSU failing out of the National Championship: This is a wonderful article, I hope everyone enjoys it. It mentions MSU! Yay! It also sports a morbid sense of humor regarding the downfall of LSU's season, and how each game they played their margin of victory got smaller and smaller... hahaha. Also, one more piece of information: Croom and the Bulldogs are now responsible for the sacking of three coaches!

Well excuse the fuck outta me...

2007-11-19T00:37:00.000-06:00

Ok. So action A produces a negative response. Action B produces a negative response. Actions C-Z and any other letter, number, or symbol produce negative responses. Doing NOTHING AT ALL will ALSO produce a negative response. What the fuck? I give up. Apparently I don't take notice or care enough about things. And also, excuse the fuck out of me for trying to have a nice simple conversation multiple times tonight, and I apologize for the fact that everything I had to contribute to any discussion we might have had at any time tonight was wrong or stupid. I would ask that in the future that double standards please not be thrown at me, but that would probably result in another glare or getting bitched at again. I guess I will just shut up and take my seat in the back.

Yippee for me! Hopefully tomorrow they will confirm that everything is indeed my fault. I think they make a drug for that now, maybe I can get some...

The Grand Design

2007-11-14T17:09:00.000-06:00

Or intelligent design, as some like to call it. I prefer bible school fantasies, but that's just me. Don't get me wrong, this is a very touchy subject for some people (touchy-feely if you happen to be a catholic priest). Worse still, if you happen to come across this topic with Baptist, it goes from touchy-feely to "hold still fucker, I'm gonna beat you until you accept that god made you!" Oops. I forgot to capitalize god. Guess I'm going to hell! Its ok though. Satan-side, excuse me, state-side, tends to be fairly peaceful in terms of religious psychotics, sans Michael Venyah. For those of you in college who have been lucky enough to avoid the "Screaming Evangelist", here's a vid of him on the MSU campus last year:

Silly little bible thumper. I was lucky enough to be called a fornicator! Oh if he only knew... and the sticking from behind? What's wrong with that? I mean uh, oops, was thinking out loud. Hehehe. But alas, when taking this man and other things such as Miss Teen USA Pageants (what's a map?), NFL players, lemmings, and PT Cruisers, one fact becomes painfully obvious:

Silly Minnesota.

2007-11-12T22:41:00.000-06:00

They think that they are the center of American hockey, that since they have the best college hockey teams, they can brag and pretend to be a real NHL team. For any Wild fans out there, I have two words for you: Paul Statsny. This kid, along with some help from Sakic and Wolski, helped the Avs topple the Wild 4-2 Sunday night, adding two points the the Avs's divisionary lead over the Wild.

Aside from that, I'm not quite sure what to say here. I would like to inquire about some help, but I'm not sure whom to ask or what to ask for. I'm not even sure why I need help; something is just telling me that I probably need some. All too often I find myself tearing things and people apart for some sick self-gratification of my own. Its almost like I have a little "me" in the back of my mind that waits till the guard of a friend is down, and then attacks relentlessly for the sake of what it thinks is a humorous situation. I want to stop hurting the people I care about. I get jealous of them,but only whe I see myself hurting them, so it then becomes a viscious cycle. So to those of you that I openly attack, you are not alone. I also hope that I can figure out how to stop it and quick, before I lose more than just great friends.

To end on a lighter note;

Sitting on the bed and I'm lying wide awake

2007-11-11T02:54:00.000-06:00

And even though its 3 am I'm still wired and I don't know why. It could be that the Avs are 1st in their division, 2nd in their conference, and 4th league... or perhaps it is the fact that the MSU Bulldogs beat the Alabama Crimson Tide 17-12 today, making the Dawgs eligible for a bowl game for the first time in over five years!

Davis Wade Stadium was deafening. Boneshaking echoes of Maroon and White wash over the arena as the sound of 55,000 loyal cowbells blasts through the air. Even more intimidating is the sheer power of all those sounds channeled and focused as one, and then directed to fall on the ears of the unsuspecting Alabama players. Needless to say, the atmosphere was electric.

So after my two teams have been doing so well, I'm happy. Maybe not deeply happy, but simply happy for things that make me happy doing well. Other than that I'm kinda drained mentally and running on autopilot. Hence the title and the song that its from. But oh well, the semester is almost over and hopefully I will be able to come through relatively unscathed.

Choked on the regrets

2007-11-02T02:14:00.000-05:00

What goes up, must come down. Obviously. Hopefully this weekend we can all just ease back into life again. And each make it through the weekend in one piece preferably.

Coming Spring of 2008 to a Six Flags near you: The Bipolar Plunge. A friend of mine rode this pretty damn hard Wednesday night. After suffering from a case of impulsitis complicated by a lot of drama recently, we decided what the hell, lets make a run for it right in the middle of it all and party all night. So we disappear, ignore the phones, and have some fun. And in the process, damn near lose a very close friend, and in turn one of us almost went AWOL as well.

Today wasn't much better, about as awkward as you can get. Feinting spells aside, nothing major, just a lot of sulking and some intense anxiety for me when we all met up for the first time today. (lets just say I am very good at creating mental images.)

But they claim that time heals all wounds, and I hope that this holds true for us. For the first friend, I hope you feel better and make the trip home safely. It may take a while, but we will be able to get though this. For the second friend, I won't expect forgiveness for quite some time. We are just relieved and grateful you are still here and that you still care. Thanks for being one of three people always there for me. I hope one day I will be able to make that night up to you.

And to end on a positive note, the Avs defeated the Pens with a 3-2 come from behind victory Thursday night, extending their home winning streak to 6 games. Yay.

I Wanna Feel...

2007-10-22T01:32:00.000-05:00

I'm tired of being what you want me to be
Feeling so faithless lost under the surface
Don't know what you're expecting of me
Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)
Every step that I take is another mistake to you
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)

I've become so numb I can't feel you there
Become so tired so much more aware
I'm becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

Can't you see that you're smothering me
Holding too tightly afraid to lose control
Cause everything that you thought I would be
Has fallen apart right in front of you
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)
Every step that I take is another mistake to you
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)
And every second I waste is more than I can take

I've become so numb I can't feel you there
Become so tired so much more aware
I'm becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

And I know
I may end up failing too
But I know
You were just like me with someone disappointed in you

I've become so numb I can't feel you there
Become so tired so much more aware
I'm becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

I've become so numb I can't feel you there
I'm tired of being what you want me to be
I've become so numb I can't feel you there
I'm tired of being what you want me to be

---

So the ropes are more or less gone, and now I have an absence of emotion. I want to tell others that I feel for them, to open up, to laugh because it is funny, not because everyone else is. To be able to look forward with a positive mind, to not be forced into assuming the worst and bracing for pain and depression day after day. Maybe someday I can feel again, I hope.

Stuck In the Middle Again

2007-10-17T00:53:00.000-05:00

I need three volunteers. Would the first person please take this rope tied around my left arm? Now then, will the second person grab the rope tied around my other arm? Cool, now if the last person would take the rope tied round my waist... now then, if each of you would pull as hard as you possibly can...

And that's where I am. I feel like... well, I don't know, but its sure as hell not a million bucks. As soon as I fix one thing, another gets shot to hell. Sometimes I wish that when I save the world, it could just stay saved for 10 minutes. Not that I'm complaining mind you, since I would much rather spend another day helping those close to me than to have to pretend not to notice or to find out later. If only things in life lined up in neat orderly groups to be dealt with as we see fit. But alas, we all fall prey to the only catchphrase that ever holds true: shit happens. Its how we react to said shit that determines everything else.

Until recently, I thought I had all my "shit" under control. But when I get two sides of the same situation unbeknownst to those it involves, I get thrown into the ever enviable position of "between a rock and a hard place". For example, I can let it be known that I know someones deep personal secret, or turn and lie to the other about what I know or what someone else may know... so like I said, I'm handing out ropes, so feel free to come and tug your own piece of me before I explode...

As for everything else, I will still be me, and never fail to help a friend (or a retard; its funny how often those two overlap). Hopefully for me no one is exceptionally good at tug o' war, lest I be pulled away and killed or eaten or who knows what. My friend Chris always talks about how talking is the key; how it will fix conflicts and save fights and heartache. He's right.

I'm a communications major. I'm great with words and understanding them and helping others with them. I will gladly help, you need only to talk! Grab the rope and tug if you want, but know that I lose myself more and more upon each heave.

But to end on a good note, the Avs fought their way back from a 4-goal deficit to beat Calgary at home Tuesday night. How fucking awesome is that.

All you can ever learn is what you already know

2007-10-08T02:08:00.000-05:00

Life goes on, come of age... can't hold on, turn the page... time rolls on, wipe these eyes... yesterday laughs, tomorrow cries...

As always, life will go on. This song seems quite relevant to personal struggles as of late. With everyone on edge, it will only be so long before someone make a mistake, treads on one's spirit, or makes the mistake of caring too much- or not at all.

Looking back, it seems that just things were so simple... and while I wouldn't trade anything for the where I am in life now, sometimes you wonder how choosing between Halo and Smash Bros. has mutated into getting out of bed and deciding which fake smile and laugh to wear today. A good quote comes to mind: "You wear a mask for so long, and you start to forget who you really are..." It seems unnervingly fitting in the current scheme of things. While others busy themselves among seemingly mundane activities, we remain focused and chained to winning the fight against a never ending tide of pain and sorrow... for no matter what we do or say life has and will always be that rainy cloud and that overdrawn bank account, the annoying injury and the regretful choice, the societal outcast and that demon from your past that ties you down and haunts you and still makes it hard just to look in a mirror. To just for a day live a life through someone else's eyes, to have made the left turn instead of the right, to just one day be happy to get up in the morning and be anxious to start the new day. For us these luxuries are few and far between, but we have fought through to now and shall move along just to make it through.

Though it may pain some to hear this, it holds true for we three. "Take my hand, and we'll make it I swear, whoa, living on a prayer"... because for the time being, that's all we have, a prayer.. whether anyone hears, much less answers it, is inconsequential. What matters is that it gives everyone trapped living in repetition that ever important piece of mind. To know that there is something to see and hold, to work for and to grow, to hold on to, to get you through the night, is what really matters. Because to have hope, and people to hope with, is what really matters. And looking at it, I am grateful for this fucked up yet oddly interesting state, because in a very strange way, I am thankful for what I have gained out of it because I know its all that I've wanted.

P.S.
I would like to thank The Ataris, The Offspring, All American Rejects, Bon Jovi, Boston, and Green Day for contributing to this post.

Ehsskahpay!

2007-10-05T03:00:00.001-05:00

First and foremost, Fuck Nashville. That's all I have to say on that note.

On to the main event. I was again chased down in the parking lot, but this time was saved by a so called kiniggit in shining armor who broke into my car and then proceeded to drive it away whilst I was seeking refuge in my own back seat. Long story short, we starting looking for a replacement sould (or soul, as they are known in more intelligent circles) for said kiniggit. After complaining about life and being shorted two mountain dews, we proceeded to cheer up huffing some lesbian gas. I lost, again, all but the first battle (what a surprise).

As we all know, the choices we make in life shape the rest of our time here on earth. Some are easy, such as Mazdas over pretty much anything else, while some are hardest we will ever make. Even harder are those that affect the one we hold close over all else, as these result in an intense conflict between our friends and ourselves. Thankfully, the oft mentioned trio will never face such decisions alone, for united we stand, and divided we fall.

Hat Tricks and Monty Pythons

2007-10-04T01:39:00.000-05:00

Its always great to start off the season with a win, and the Avs did it at home Wednesday with a 4-3 victory over the Dallas Stars! Paul Stastny recorded his first career hat trick in his first game of his second season in the NHL, becoming only the fourth player in Avalanche history to do so. Wojtek Wolski added the fourth and final goal, sealing the victory. But I wont bore you with hockey anymore...

So apparently naming a ball python Monty automatically makes it that much cooler. I agree, but find it sad when people miss the play on the brits. So, me and buddy are out 80 bucks each, but if a snake can make someone on the brink of giving up learn to laugh and smile again, 80 bucks is nothing at all. Besides, that's how it works between us. A hug, a snake, a poke in the forehead, an occasional three-way, it doesn't matter. Whatever it takes to help the one in need, and it never ends up being any work at all.

6 down, Eighty-Two to go.

2007-10-02T23:31:00.000-05:00

4 and 2 to start the preseason? Not bad at all in my opinion. Tomorrow, or today in roughly 23 minutes, the Colorado Avalanche will kick off the 07-08 NHL season at home against the Dallas Stars. Poor Dallas. Three seasons ago, they were supposed to lose to the Avs. And did, in 5 games. Two seasons ago, Dallas was the number 2 seed, and the Avs limped into the playoffs at the number 7 seed in the western conference. And then proceeded to stomp the Stars in 5 games, AGAIN! Hehehe. With the new rookies this year, and also returning vets like Sakic and Hejduk, this year might shape up to be pretty good. Anyway, that's all for now, I will be back tomorrow with a recap of the game. For those interested, go here and click "Listen Now!" under the Avs emblem! GO AVS!

For what I've done

2007-09-27T19:23:00.000-05:00

Its really strange how someone you never knew growing up or through high school can become your closest friend and ally in life. I guess its even more uncommon when someone can claim this about two people. When three people come together and are there for each other at all hours of the day and night and will selflessly sacrifice to help one another, a bond is made that I am willing to bet is shared by only a small number of people in this world. To be a part of this bond is something that every person needs at one point in their life, but few are ever lucky enough to actually get it.

Everything I've done, from hurting to loving to helping the people around me, each thing has shaped me and made me who I am today. While I am not always proud of that person, or what they do or have done, I am very thankful for the friendships they have made and to whom they have confided in and given support to, as I am equally thankful for their support and friendship as well.

Falling farther than I ever have before...

2007-09-23T01:24:00.000-05:00

Way to go me. For probably oh, I dunno, the 7th or 8th time in about a month, I've deeply hurt one of people closest to me. I care for them very much, and despite my best intentions I get bogged down in the here and now and let them fall behind time after time. I don't want to lose them but if I keep this up that's exactly where I'm headed. I hate hurting them, but at the same time I don't even notice or catch myself doing it until it is much too late. While it may seem like a lame excuse, I feel like I forget things way too easily and never remember what needs to be done or what needs to change until it is again too late.

I don't want to keep doing this. If anyone has any ideas or would like to help in any way please do. I need help.

War Damn Tiger?

2007-09-19T11:46:00.000-05:00

I kinda feel like I just beat up on a retarded kid... after all, these people can't decide if they want to be tigers or eagles... and on top of that, rather than normal team cheers, the Auburn fans have a tendency to scream and grunt using guttural sounds. For example, once such cheer is called Bodda Getta. To this I say, WTF?! Weagl weagl war damn Eagle... thats like trying to find something that rhymes with orange- it doesn't really work! Then again, I can't say that I have ever seen an orange eagle, so hey, whatever works. But that is all completely beside the point. And that point is,

AUBURN LOST TO MISSISSIPPI STATE!!! 19-14!

Oh poor Auburn. After all that hard work and painfully planned interceptions, to go and lose to MSU... I personally feel that honorable suicide is the only remedy for this situation. And not only that, but after two consecutive losses to football teams that don't even come from *real* schools (cough USF cough), I might even be so bold as to say that if they don't remember what the hell to do when they have the ball, they may end up *Gasp!* losing to Bama. At which point I don't even need to say what will happen to Tommy Tuberville (what kind of a stupid name is that...) Shula, anyone?

I'm a loner in a catastrophic mind...

2007-09-15T01:04:00.000-05:00

Yeah... that pretty much sums me up right now. Props to anyone who knows what song that line's from. Anyway, enough sobbing. On to tonight's topic.

So I'm in Auburn right now. MSU plays Auburn tomorrow and I'm not quite sure what my take on the situation is. I don't want to be optimistic, but despite our win and Auburn's loss last week, we are playing the team that blocked our field goal attempt last season... so, like I said, I don't want to be optimistic. Who knows, maybe we'll score, maybe we'll win, maybe we'll take it up the ass again. Whatever works.

Anyway, I'm not up to talking anymore tonight.

45-0... Damn...

2007-08-31T01:20:00.000-05:00

From today's title and the last blog entry, an astute mind should be able to figure out what the outcome of the MSU-LSU game was. For those of you who are, in the words of Dr. Hill, "hardcore stupid", LSU beat us 45-0... The Tigers are the No. 2 team in the nation, but still- is a field goal too much to ask? This season is easily shaping up to be an exact replica of last season. For those just tuning in, the Bulldogs didn't draw blood until their third game of of that season. Our only hope is to repeat our flogging of Bama and shaming their brand-new multi-million dollar coach by slapping him with a loss to the worst team in college football. And how fun that would be? I'm still waiting for the "We got Shula Fired" shirts.

Now to get some sleep for classes tomorrow.

Night!

LAN Parties and world maps

2007-08-30T03:28:00.000-05:00

Hokay, so...

Shane and Bobby (two college buddies), along with myself, were having a little Starcraft LAN event in one of the study rooms in the dorm. Needless to say, I came close AGAIN to almost killing Shane... at least Bobby wasn't a threat very often.

In other news, everyone should watch this video: its exactly what not to do when asked a simple question. Please send any and all donations in the form of world maps to this poor girl, as she is obviously the victim here in a sick attack on our nation's geographic knowledge. And we wonder why the rest of the world thinks we're idiots... In the words of Robin Williams, "Ah ha! A clue!"

And finally, I shall be holding a memorial service for the MSU Bulldogs football team Thursday, August 30th after the LSU game... ESPN will be here, but most likely to cover the first game of the cough*No.2 in the nation*cough LSU Tigers... but it should be fun regardless, so long as you are into Gladiator-style executions.

Anyway, I'm out.

Peace!

So it's been a while...

2007-08-24T15:25:00.000-05:00

Yeah... its been about a month and half since my last post. I'm now settling in to my sophomore year at Mississippi State University, and should soon be switching my major to communications with a concentration in Journalism, so, yay for me!

And now for a spiel on current events. Those of you for the protection of the environment should be interested to know that Al Gore, the man who won the 2000 election, is no longer the only politician who cares for the environment. John Kerry, along with some flunkies, have written a book detailing how they now have a new found respect for the environment and what they plan to do about it.
The answer? Absolutely nothing! They just wanted it to be known that they now have a new found respect for the environment and that they are not heartless bastards who want to industrialize the world.

Anyway, I'm off to work on my website. You should visit it here. Leave me some feedback here or there.

Later!

Writer's Block

2007-07-08T23:14:00.000-05:00

Not really writer's block.... more of a designers/programmers block... but anyway. I've also generated several headaches trying to figure out the best way to get a blog to my GPC page.. so hopefully this will be a good start!